Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in plz_b_mine's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007
6:46 pm	Immature?? Okay, so I got into a BIG fight with a friend yesterday. I went to see Joey, and didn't tell him that I was going, and he wanted to go. Anyways, words were exchanged, and I was told that I am worse than Emily. If you don't know who Emily is, don't worry about it...But anyways. If there is one person in this world that I hate besides my biological father, it is her. I have tried so many times to be nice to her, and she is just such a bitch. Well, today, Brad and I were talking about what happened last night, and he told me that the only reason he said that is because Emily and I are kinda alike because we are both immature. Yes, I know that I am immature, but it is so much less stressful than acting like a big kid. I didn't know that I was immature to the point of getting on people's nerves. This makes me very sad. I always thought that I was just a person that knew how to have fun. I mean, I can be mature when the time is right, but to act like a grandma with a stick up my butt, all the time?? I couldn't live like that. I don't know. He said that Joey needs to grow up, and he won't if he is around it. Does that mean that he thinks I am not a good thing in Joey's life?? I asked him, and he told me he would talk to me about it tomorrow when we go to play tennis. I am second guessing everything...I told him, I didn't mean to. I mean, I could NEVER lie straight to your face, ya know? I just don't want to be that girl. I almost told Joey last night that I couldn't do this anymore cause I don't want to be another Emily. I don't want to just hurt him. I mean, I love him, but I would leave him now, if I thought I was just going to hurt him in the long run, ya know? I mean, I do love him. He is an amazing guy, but I really don't want to hurt him like she did. I want him to get the most out of life, and I will be unhappy, if it means his life will be better. I guess, I just want the best for him. I know that sounds old, and worn out, but I really would. After Derrek died, I realized a lot of things. And I am already a somewhat unhappy person, and I don't really have much of a future going for me right now, and I don't want to bring someone else down too. I have to start thinking about the future, and what will be best for me, and everyone around me then, not what will work for tomorrow. I will write more tomorrow, or whenever I feel so down that I need to write again. Current Mood: sad Current Music: I Wonder (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 22nd, 2007
1:28 pm	Finally 18, and don't feel a thing So, I had a birthday last week. My eighteenth to be exact. And I was so excited for it to come, but when it did, I felt no different. I got up, out of the same bed, showered in the same shower, and straightened my hair with the same straightener. It was just another day. Maybe even, a sad day. I was at the chiropractor, and I was waiting for him to come in, and a song that was played at Derrek's funeral came on. So there I am, crying and waiting to get adjusted. It was hard, my first holiday without Derrek, but I am still here, and he is still not. I am legal now, and this opens a whole new playing field, but...with that, I also have to leave one behind. I am still the same person I was the day before my birthday, even the same as a month, or two before. I thought I would feel different at least. I have aged another year, and no one would even be able to tell. It is just odd, something I have looked forward to for so long, and yet I feel the same. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Monday, July 16th, 2007
1:06 pm	Wishin I wish I knew what was going on. I want to be able to read what is in my mind. I have so many thoughts about everything that I just can't seem to get straight. I want to talk to Derrek. I feel bad about Joey. I mean, not because I am with Joey, I think Derrek would understand, but I feel bad because I care about him a lot, and I love him, but...I still love Derrek, and I always will. I feel like I shouldn't compare him to Derrek, but I find myself doing that a lot. I mean, in my eyes, Derrek was perfect. There was nothing about him I would change, except his pills. But, that was usually something to laugh at later. I just, I don't know. I can't put down in words what I feel, and what I think. I wish I could get like a print out of what's going on in my head. I talked to Jules today, and she has so much faith, but I can't do that. I think too logically to have faith in something that I can't see, and someone that seems to have taken so much from me. I mean, I know we all have to die one day, but damn. Jerika, Colt, and now Derrek? Those are just the ones that I cared about, that were young. I mean, I have had family die, but they were old, and had lived a full life, these three were babies, they didn't even have a chance to experience life yet. It just doesn't seem right, or fair that He can just take us whenever he wants. I want to talk to Derrek, but I can't seem to get my head clear enough. I have way too much on my mind. I wish I knew what Joey thinks. I mean, I really want to believe him and trust him, but I am still kinda scared because of everything that we have already been through. I really don't like the fact that Emily still calls him, and the fact that he was still talking to her until I asked him about trying to kiss her, actually, he may still talk to her, I don't know. I don't know what I am going to do about the beach yet. I'm so sad. My car got wrecked at a really bad time. I had so many plans that I can't go through with because I don't have a car. Ugh! I have to figure out how I am going to get to the beach, because I was going to drive down, but, I can't because my car isn't very reliable right now. I don't know what we are going to do. I have to decide whether I want to get my car fixed, or whether I want to get a new one, and park mine until I am ready to get it fixed. I really want to keep my car though. It has so many memories, I am not ready to give it up yet. Maybe never. I am tired of thinking, so I am out... Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Monday, April 2nd, 2007
9:16 pm	I'm back to LiveJournal So, I am back. I have no one to vent to, so here I am. Over the past week or so, things have been a little rough. My boyfriend, moved into a house with Judy a while back, and he dated her daughter, anyways. You don't need to know the details, if you don't already. Back to my story. Kasey's system got stolen out of her car. I was there that night, but I left before it happened. I have my idea of who it was, but...You still have to go through the facts. There were people there, they all had opportunity, but who REALLY had a motive. None of them really needed a system, and even if they did, they wouldn't keep it because their names would have been brought up to the cops, and yea...we know where this is going. So, this person, whoever it was, would have to know their way around a system, how the wires go, all that good stuff. So, said person slips away, and takes the system, what do they do with it? Put it in their car to leave with it later, or take it and run. Either way, it is gone now, sold for who knows how much, to buy whatever was needed(drugs...or just they may have wanted some money). So, a few days later, the house gets broke into, and nothing is missing, but the fact that someone could get in is kinda scary. I don't know if it was the un-named person above, or someone else. I bought Derrek two kama sutra books, well I bought us two kama sutra books, that together cost me almost fifty dollars. I lent one to a friend, who never returned it. Now, today the house got broken into again, but this time there are things missing. I am not sure what all is gone yet, but...I know that now both of my books are gone which makes me really mad because I no longer have a job, and they were expensive. So, the police were there, and I have my theories as to who did it this time also, and it isn't the same person. I want to know who wants to destroy Derrek so bad. When the speakers got missing, an un-named person texted Kasey and told her that Derrek did it, and Derrek said someone else did it. I have known Derrek for a long time, and even if I WASN'T dating him, I would still think that he didn't do it. He isn't that kind of person, but anyways. These two girls were talking about how they thought that Derrek had done it, and this made me really angry. He would have no reason to, and plus, I handle his money most of the time, and if he did take the system and sell it, he would have had to hide the money from me really well, because he didn't have any extra money this week. I don't know why they would want to think that he did it, especially since he lives there, and he really likes it there. He doesn't want to move back home, so why would he do something so stupid that would not only get him kicked out, but also in trouble with the police? People need to stop and ask these questions of everyone that was involved that night, but they don't. They just start pointing fingers. It is ridiculous. I want him to move out. I didn't want him to move there in the first place, but I figured we would see how it was going to go. And, its not going well, not going well at all. So, now that I am done venting for now...I am going to study for my spanish test tomorrow. Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Friday, June 23rd, 2006
11:31 pm	There is so much shit going through my head right now. I don't know what my deal is. I mean, I have my DAYS when I am upset and just want to curl up and cry. When I want to be all alone, but apparently, I have been like this for four days to be exact. I don't know where to start. I guess it is all the little stuff that is all getting to me at once. I mean, it isn't a big deal, but I just want to cry... There is a certain someone in my life, that I care about a lot. And I know that I am making him mad because I won't talk about what's wrong...but I don't know! I really wish I did, so that it would go away. It's just one of those days...and he wants to know whats wrong, and I can't tell him, which in turn frustrates him more. ARGH! I don't fuckin know anymore! I wish I had my car so that I could go just drive and clear my head...But no, it isn't in the shop yet...Next week Amy. Damn it man! Parentals have been being bitches and not letting me go out...And now AJ asks..."Should I question whether you still like me or not?" WHAT THE FUCK! Yes I still like you, just as much as yesterday, and the day before...if not more! I just need to be alone for a while so that I don't hurt anyone, or make them sad too...I can't deal with anything or anyone right now. I want to yell at AJ just because he cares and is worried about me. And I know that isn't fair at all. I just need to be by myself for a little while. Deal with this bullshit. I think I have depression and was just never diagnosed...this cannot be normal. I mean, I can understand being moody for a girl, because of PMS, but guess what?! Im not PMSing...maybe I am just psycho. Shit, I don't know anymore. I care about AJ so much and I know he is just trying to help me by making me talk to him about whats wrong. But, I really don't know. If I did, do you think I wouldn't be trying to find a way to get over this? Yea...I would! I am going to go...probably cry some more, or destroy something else. I seem to be good at things like that... Current Mood: sad Current Music: Nobody Knows It (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 7th, 2006
12:07 pm	The Best Boyfriend Ever! Okay, so me and AJ are technically dating! We changed our status on the 30th... He is the best guy like...ever! He makes me so happy. I don't really understand, but it is okay. I like him A LOT! We went up to Hendo last night so that he could "show me off"...ha! Look at my face! But, it's okay. I like his friends, or the ones that I have met so far. They are pretty cool. We played Halo last night, and that game was so mine...damnit! lol I will beat him next time, when I don't have a little one in my lap playin the game with me. hehe I don't know how to put into words everything that I feel for him. I mean...I don't know. It makes sense in my head...but there is no way in hell I can get that on here...it would make NO sense to anyone else. But, yea...when I figure out how to write it down, I will...until then, I am going to go brush up on my Halo ass-kickin skills...muahahaha *Amy J* (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 29th, 2006
11:37 am	"Asshole" Last night, I had another date...with the most perfect guy in the ENTIRE world! Everyone knows who he is...but if you don't, his name is Asshole. If you don't know who I am talking about still...you don't need to know. So, anyways! We both had to work, and then he came over and picked me up. He still won't come in my house, but I didn't clean up last night, so I was kind-of glad. He talked to my mom for a few. She thinks VERY highly of him, if I might add. But, we all know why. So, we drive to Spartanburg and watch "Thank You for Smoking". He liked it a lot, but I didn't get most of it. I do believe that it went right over my head...But it's okay. After the movie, he went and played on his longboard in the parking lot. What a nerd...Who plays in a freakin parking lot? Yea, that was a one and only AJ stunt right there. After that, we went to IHOP and ate. Then he brought me home and we stayed outside and talked for about 45 minutes. I really don't know about this boy. Everything about him is so...perfect! I wanna know how he did it!?!?! He makes me laugh, and all I have to do is THINK about him, and I have a smile on my face. He is cute, and sweet. He is someone that I don't have to be up-tight and serious around. Granted, sometimes I try, but...I just can't do it. I find myself staring at him A LOT! All three of the movies that we have been to, I think I paid just a little bit more attention to him, than I did the movie. I love the fact that he is so different. He doesn't try and live in everyone else's world, they are all just there in his. He has the best theories on things. He opens your eyes to a whole new way of thinking...like those brain teaser things...Yes, most of the time I feel somewhat stupid when I am with him, because I usually have no idea what he is talking about. BUT, he isn't one of those smart people that moans and groans about how stupid someone is, if they ask a question. All I have to do is look at him the right way, and he knows I don't understand...and he breaks it down into language that I understand. Which is great, because I learn a lot of cool (yes random, sometimes weird, but still cool) stuff when I talk to him. I am out of words for now, so I hope I entertained you. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
5:42 pm	I'm Lost Okay, so there is this guy...and if you know me, I am sure that you know who he is. He has told me from the get-go that he didn't want a relationship right now...But, you know me. I really like him, and I know I shouldn't because I don't have a chance with him, but I can't help it. I don't understand how someone can be so "perfect" but still not dateable. I mean, I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up because he told me from the beginning. But I just can't help it. He is so sweet, kind, cute, and he is SOO nice to me! I don't understand it. I don't understand him. He makes me feel so special. I know I haven't known him for very long at all...only like 10 days, but I feel something different for him. He actually talks to me like I am a person. No other guy has ever done that, besides very few that were just friends. Every other guy that I have ever dated or "talked" to, would look at me, and say something to the effect of, she's hot, I wonder how long it would take me to get into her pants. Why?! I really think that I am a terrible person to date. I don't understand what I do. The very few times that I have found a guy that I think is worth my time, I don't have a snowballs chance in hell. BUT, if it is a guy that shouldn't have a chance with me, and that I am not attracted to, and I see nothing hopeful in, I date them, and once again...same old story. Anyways! Off that. My UBT is doing great! I don't know what happened, but ever since the night before we went to Carowinds, and I stayed at Jessa's house, I have felt SOO much closer to her. I used to be a lot closer to Brittany, but now, I feel like I can trust Jessa with my life. We had a really long heart to heart, and we both ended up crying, but it was a good cry. She is my star! I don't know what I would do without her. I don't like her boyfriend any more though. I think he is a dick head. He doesn't treat her EVEN CLOSE to what she deserves. I mean, he is cool sometimes, but when he gets mad, he always takes it out on her. That is not fair! But, it isn't my call. I can give her my advice, and she can take it, or she can leave it. But I really think that she deserves better. Brittany and Riley are doing good. They make me sick sometimes. I swear, I cannot even get into my own locker without having to see a freakin make-out session before and while I am in my locker...Ugghh...Look at my face! That is disgusting! Well I guess I am out for now...I don't have any other feelings that I need to get onto paper. So, I will probably be back on here tomorrow and let anyone who actually reads this know if anything changes. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
4:09 pm	Do you know the combination to MY safe? Can You Open My Safe? 1st Number: How old am I? 2nd Number: What is my favorite number? 3rd Number: How old is the most important person in my life? Enter Combination: 1st Number 2nd Number 3rd Number Make Your Own Safe - Click Here (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
1:27 pm	Last Night... Okay, so last night, I definitely had a blast. Granted, I just went to Spartanburg to see a movie, but I was with someone really SPECIAL! We went and saw Silent Hill...it was good. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, but that is better for me. I was also a little to preoccupied to pay complete attention to the movie. There was this really sweet, handsome guy that was sitting next to me, and I just couldn't take my eyes off of him...I don't know what to do. I don't know how much of it I should type on here...because I don't know if he will read it or not...so I think that is all I am going to say. I will write the rest elsewhere... Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Come on Closer-Jem (Comment on this)